Classic lawyer jokes
What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Your honor.
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What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
Senator.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
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What’s the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
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Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
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When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because down deep, they are all nice guys!!!!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
There was an empty seat.
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How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
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Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
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What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
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What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
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What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One’s a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other’s just a fish.
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Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
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What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery
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What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
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Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called, Sosumi.
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Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn’t find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
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What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
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i feel so sorry for all of the lawyers in the world. they have no friends.
hilarious!
*–… Wow! .. how long did it take you to type ALL of that? …lol … they were worth the type, thats for sure! …–*
That’s a lot of lawyer jokes. Funny though. I used to work for one, and they’re ass holes for sure.
those r good have a star
hmmm…. let me take a guess. You don’t like lawyers? Some of those were really funny though.
that’s why we called them lawyers instead of highers..LOL
Bereken zelf uw hypotheek. Hypotheek berekenen? Maak snel een indicatieve berekening van het maximale leenbedrag van uw hypotheek.
Lenen zonder BKR toetsing gaat vandaag heel gemakkelijk. Binnen een paar uur geld lenen zonder BKR toetsing doet u hier, lees snel verder
Hoewel migraine op elke leeftijd voor het eerst kan optreden, begint dit type hoofdpijn meestal tussen de tien en veertig jaar. Bij de meeste mensen treedt
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
i didnt know that, is there another article like that? because i really wanna know more about it
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
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