“Can I have the red one?” – a top of the range Porsche.

“I’ll pay cash!” and starts taking handfuls of bills out of a carrier bag until she gets to the right price.

The deal is finalized very quickly and the girl drives it away.

She is back two days later and says, “I want my money back…it smells awfully bad when I use the brakes,” she states emphatically.

Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the manager decides to ride in the car with her in case she is not driving it properly’.

He gets in and she roars out of the dealer- ship, drops it into second gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate.

At 120 mph she shifts into 4th gear; at 145 mph she goes into 5th gear.

The engine is screaming, trying to lea
p out of the hood when it reaches 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has him pinned in the seat.

In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a train crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down.

Instead the pitch of the engine increases!

100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car comes to a screeching halt mere inches from the barrier.

“Can you smell it?” she says.

“SMELL IT? I’M SITTING ON IT!”
2.(Sorry for not putting 1.)A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.

After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

“Gosh!” exclaimed the new bride. “You certainly have a dangerous job. Don’t you ever get bitten by the snakes?”

“Yes, upon rare occasions,” answered the handler.

“Well,” she continued, “just what do you do when you’re bitten by a snake?”

“I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten,

I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound.”

“What, uh…what would happen if you were to accidentally *sit* on a rattler?” persisted the woman.

“Ma’am,” answered the snake handler, “that will be the day I learn who my real friends are.”
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to him.

At the first house, a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach. ”

The older doctor said, “well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick ? ”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there?

When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash.

That was what was probably making her sick.

“Huh,” the younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did. “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, “Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?”

“Well just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.

(Sorry for not putting 1. and 3.)

New jokes come weekly.

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OPINIONS PLEASE

4
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I’m being slightly pedantic saying this as I’m sure you already know, but semi-automatic transmissions are predominantly used in racing.

PDK has, in conjunction with a number of other technological and mechanical improvements, increased acceleration in the new Carrera range a great deal more than you have suggested.

Everything else you’ve said seems plausible though. Thanks for your input.

Improve your cars handling with coilover suspension from Bilstein, KW, H&R, JIC, Moton, Zeal, and more.

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-924/944/968
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and where can I download them?
What are the names of the songs in the NFS5: Porsche movies (in the Porsche Chronicle);

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and where can I download them?

It is NOT ANY of the songs in answer #1. It is NOT listed in the soundtrack. That is why i asked.

Racing seats for your Tuner Car Status, Sparco, Momo, Recaro Here.

The golden frog admitted: “Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could!
There was a mouse and an elephant and they decided to go for a walk in the jungle together. So they set off walking and talking and were not really paying attention to where they were going, when all of a sudden the elephant fell in a hole.

“Oh My!” the elephant cried. “What will we do?…I can’t climb out on my own”.

“Don’t worry” said the mouse. I’ll just run back into town and get my Porsche and we will have you out of there in no time at all.”

So the mouse ran back to town and got her porsche.

When she arrived back at the hole she backed the porsche up to the edge. The mouse then threw the elephant one end of a chain and secured the other end to her bumper.

“Here we go” the mouse yelled to the elephant as she put the Porsche in gear and pulled the elephant out of the hole.

“Thank you, thank you so much my friend!” said the elephant.

“My pleasure” said the mouse “Should we continue on our walk?”

The elephant agreed, but as he turned toward the mouse his trunk accidentally knocked her into the hole.

“Oh my goodness” the elephant wailed, “I’m so so sorry!…Oh, What are we going to do now. I’m too big to fit in your porsche!”

“Not a problem” the mouse responded “Just throw your dick down here” The elephant trusted the mouse so he threw his dick into the hole and the mouse climbed out on it.

Once she was out the elephant and mouse continued on their walk with no further mishaps.

And the moral of the story is… ?

“If you have a big enough dick you don’t need a Porsche!” Three dogs are in the waiting room of a vets office. The first dog asked the second dog “What are you here for?”

“I crap and pee all over the house so I’m going to be put to sleep. What are you here for?” the second dog asked.

“Whenever my master is gone, I tear the house apart. I bite
and chew on everything. I’m going to be put to sleep, too” replied the first dog.

The first two dogs look to the third dog and ask “What are you here for?”

“Well, one day my mistress was bent over vacuuming the floor and I just couldn’t help myself and I humped her.” said the third dog.

“They’re going to put you to sleep for that!?” exclaimed the first two dogs.

“No! I’m just here to get my nails clipped.”