My husband is an amazing man. He’s buff, and sexy, and kind, and generous. He’s a wonderful father, a Mr. Fix It, a hard worker. The problem is…I don’t deserve him. I work a menial labor job for low pay, live in a small house, drive a car that could break down any minute. I have a friend who has never been able to find her soul mate. She drives a Porsche, lives in a mansion, makes a TON of money. She could give him such a better life. Yeh I know, I could go back to school, get a better job, buy a better car, and stuff like that. But that could take YEARS. He deserves a better life NOW. He shouldn’t have to wait. Wouldn’t it be a noble, unselfish act to give away my precious husband? Wouldn’t he be so grateful to have a pool and a pony, rather than dumb old me with my run down car?
I’m not a troll and I’m not depressed. I’m wondering if this noble act of giving people away to others extends to husbands, too. Would you deny that my husband deserves better? Would you deny him a better life?
Mustang_girl, you are so loving and selfless. Wow, look at all those people you’re willing to give away just so that they can have a better life. You’re a hero. A saint.
Oro Rubi, that is absolutely wonderful advice to give to a struggling woman who can’t decide whether or not she deserves to keep her husband. Or her child.
For anyone who didn’t get it, the point was why is it such a crazy thought that I’d give away my husband because it’s unselfish and he’d have a better life, but to give a child away would be just fine? Why is it an unselfish noble act when it’s a child, who is too young to understand or give consent, but when it’s a grow person who I supposedly love, it’s not noble or unselfish? And for those who totally didn’t get it, thanks for proving my point exactly. Your answers were exactly what I expected, and make the point perfectly. nancy, hardcan, oro rubi, coloblon, secret n, and sizesmith. Thanks.
And Randy, I’m not sure if you didn’t get it, or if you were purposly making this into something different. You said:
“If Mr Wonderful was so wonderful he would have a better job, have you living in a better home and help you go to school to get a better job. The fact that you don’t do that indicates to me that you do not want to seek help to improve your situation with him and as a result I would suggest that he will be taken from you by the Dept and placed with a new girlfriend. Once the Dept works through the process they will sever your marital rights and he will be free to marry another wife.”
Are you suggesting that anyone who doesn’t want to improve thier situation is automatically not good enough for thier children? I DO have a job, I DO have a house, I DO have a car…maybe not the best, but I am surviving, and doing well enough. So, are you saying that unless I have aspirations to own a larger house, better car, etc., I don’t deserve my husband?…continue
Or, if you understood what I was trying to say and you knew I was talking about children instead of a husband, are you honestly suggesting that a woman who has a crappy car isn’t good enough to raise her own child? Or who doesn’t have a big enough house, or who doesn’t have aspirations to get a better paying job? What about you, what are you doing to improve yourself? If you don’t think you deserve to have a wife or kid(s) if you’re not constantly moving up in the world, then I assume you’re not married and don’t have kids.
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What about your kids? It doesn’t matter what you want; it does not matter what he wants. All that matters is that you have kids. What would be the best for the kids? Would the kids be better off without him? Would the kids be better off without you? Is he willing to leave you? Does he want to leave you? Then, get an attorney to make sure that his kids see him and get alimony. That’s all.
He married you for who you are, think better of yourself and you are wonderful person for considering that to begin with. He obvioulsy wants and loves you. Don’t think you can not give him a life he deserves because you are. Those are just material things, things that can go just as easily as they came. Love is worth much more.
Here’s the thing. He knows his first wife. If you give him to her, he will be confused. She wont look like you, smell like you, breathe like you….or anything else like you, either…wink wink..
It will cause him confusion. “Who am I?” “Is this what my life was supposed to be?” “Where is that woman I love?”
Sure, the pony, pool & Porsche might make him happy on the surface, but it is only a temporary fix.
He doesn’t want things…only his first wife.
Please do not do this. He deserves to be married to his first wife.
I see your point but he loves you and not what you can give him.
….I think it would be pretty darn noble if I gave my in-laws away. They’d have a MUCH better life and perhaps I would get a gold star.
While I’m at it I would also like to give away our next door neighbor. I am tired of him parking his BMW in front of my house and blocking my parking space and I think he would do better in a home in the country, where he can park anywhere he wants. He would so appreciate that I’m sure.
Ohhh how wonderful and selfless of me.
“He’s buff, and sexy, and kind, and generous” but I guess he has no will, poor thing, apparently he has no saying in your decision.
How can you give away a grown person? if he wants a better life, couldn’t he walk out the door?
Material things are not everything there is to life. You should start loving yourself so that you can love others including him.
EDIT He is with you for a reason, nobody’s perfect, you must have some nice features and feelings and thoughts that he likes. Be proud of who you are.
So what makes you think your husband will go for her just because
the other person has money, so what youre saying is youre jusband
is materialistic and doesnt care about you or your kids?
When me and my husband met 21 yrs ago we were young and in love
without a lot of money, but we made a commitment, we recited vows
didnt you? for better or for worse, good times/bad times remember
maybe your selflessness would be understood if you were dying or
making a will, but I think your husband is with you for a reason, like
love maybe. You ought to really look into yourself and find what he
sees in you, you decided to get married for other reasons, try to
remember what they were.
Interesting question! Some very interesting answers here too. I agree with most of the others when they say that giving away your husband wouldn’t really be in anyone’s best interest. Your husband knows and loves you and when we truly love someone we see past the little flaws and faults, we see their heart. A fancy new wife with all the bells and whistles won’t erase his memory, or love, of you. He might grow to love her but I bet he will always love and miss you. Most likely he will also always wonder why you gave him away if he was such a wonderful person, this could create life long problems for him with self esteem. People don’t give away things they truly love or things that are truly meaningful to them, this includes people.
ETA
F- thank you, thank you, thank you for adding that link to Cedar’s blog. The Andy and Marcie story was what popped into my head while reading this too but I didn’t have the time to go through my links!
I think your husband is there with you for a reason. It is where he is supposed to be. He wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t what is right for him. All the ponies and pools in the world will not replace the love you have for him. The love he obviously chooses to have in his life.
I don’t believe that if you love something you should set it free. I believe that if you love something/someone, and they love you, there is no reason to “set it free”. Being together is what is most important. Money can’t replace family. A pool might be fun for a while, but it won’t replace a mother’s hug. A pony will grow old and feeble and die. Family love never will.
I see what you are saying, it is a thin veil.
I see your point.
Good point – I must admit I was quick to judge like many of others here and thought what on earth are you talking about? Its great to see things from a new perspective though, no one in their right minds would consider “giving” away a partner – the very idea is so ridiculous that it immediately makes everyone dismiss you for mentioning it, so why indeed would anyone consider giving away a child for the very same reasons. A brilliant point and its about time people saw what adoption is really about, children and partners care nothing for these “luxuries” they want to be with the people they know and love and who love and care for them. So why do we endorse a partner’s love and ignore a childs? The world has indeed gone mad!!
It does not matter who is better off, in my opinion.
If you two are the most happiest couple in the world together, than there is no need to think about separating.
Very thought-provoking question. My heart agrees with you but my mind struggles. There isn’t a thing wrong with wanting a better life for a child… that said, love is enduring, isn’t it?
Not me! I’d keep that hubby because he’s mine. I smile at him, bake cookies, play with him, rock with him on the porch and sing to him. I’d let him swim in a puddle in the back yard, or at the creek. I’d buy him a stick horse and let him ride it in the house. We’d roll down the windows in that old car, and turn up the radio and SING!
If Mr Wonderful was so wonderful he would have a better job, have you living in a better home and help you go to school to get a better job. The fact that you don’t do that indicates to me that you do not want to seek help to improve your situation with him and as a result I would suggest that he will be taken from you by the Dept and placed with a new girlfriend. Once the Dept works through the process they will sever your marital rights and he will be free to marry another wife.
This is a fantastic analogy. I’m flabbergasted at the number of people answering this question who don’t realize that this is an analogy for the type of crap that women are fed by agencies as to why they SHOULD surrender their babies for adoption. Utter brainwashing.
Another blogger wrote a similar adoption allegory: “Andy and Marcie” at . You might enjoy it.
It is amazing how giving someone away is supposed to be an “act of love.” Sorry, but people do not “give away” those we love. Which shows just how many mothers who loved their children did not “give them away” but felt no choice but to surrender them.
As one adoptive mother said a few years ago: “Giving away your child is not a natural act.”
Ask him what he wants.
I was widowed at the age of 21, by a man who treated me like a princess. I was a little over 6 months pregnant, and lost our daughter the day after he died.
We were poor when we were together. His insurance left me much better off financially, but no amount of money could ever make me happy like he did. No amount of money can ever bring a child back.
I rushed into a second marriage, with a con man who took everything I had. He left me pregnant, with a high risk pregnancy. I love my son, and he has been my world for years. Even without a penny, we have been happy. Now, I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful man again, and have adopted a beautiful little boy we’re raising together. No amount of money in the world could pry me away from these guys.
If my partner “gave me away” to someone with money, I’d be the most hurt woman on earth, to know that he’d leave me. Money can’t buy happiness. All it can do is relieve a few problems, and with hard work together, you’ll one day have more money.
Yes. You should give him away. Give him to me. I am more deserving. I make more money and can provide more things for him. Plus, I can’t have (I mean find) a husband of my own, and I am entitled to be a wife.
Apparently, a lot of people don’t get it. I for one, do. Great analogy!
I’m sorry, but you sound pathetically stupid. I don’t mean to be mean, but I want to open your eyes!! Listen, if he didn’t like you or the life you give him, he’d be gone. You gotta be thankful you have a wonderful husband! If he wanted your friend, he’d have her. You just gotta strive for a better life to have with him and your kids, than give up what you have!! That’s not wise! If you tell him this, he’ll think you don’t love him and he may be deeply in love with you. You can ruin things alot. Dont do it. Be happy. Youre lucky!
BWAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO
And some of the answers, just freaking hillarious.
Here, Here, Here….see my hands waving in the air. I am the best person for this man. You see, I am a corporate lawyer, I own my own home (3 bathrooms), where there is room for him to have his own study, work shop, or game room, I have a huge inground pool, I have 3 horses with their individual stalls, I own 2 brand new cars which will be at his complete disposal, I have a bank account big enough for 2 people (and more), he will have his own clothing account, a pantry well stocked with the best food, he won’t need to work! I am sure he will miss you for a little while, but with all the stuff he will have with me…he will soon ‘bond’ with me and have little memory of you. Now if some years later he has some reason (or at least a reason that I approve of) I will help him search for you, but for medical reasons only…like maybe some mysterious contagious disease he caught from you. But since I will be the greatest wife, and the bond of all bonds we will forge together, I am sure he will have no reason to look you up in the future. Now do the right thing and surrender your husband to me. If you really, really love your husband, you will only want what’s best for him and not selfishly keep him to your$$ self! Email me and I will give you the number to my attorney.
You should by all means keep him unless you are not willing and able to be a good wife.
Well I guess the answer would be if you can’t be the kind of wife that he deserves and take care of him in the right way the best thing you could do would be to put him up for adoption oh I mean let him move on and have a good life with the type of woman he deserves.
Keep your husband- I like my not so buff cuddly geunine man far better someone who looks good on the outside and lots of money. And we don’t even have a pool… he’s did have horse when he was a kid living on his parents farm. Does that count?
BTW- Who says adoptive parents are all rich and are desperate for a baby that they stalk pregnant teens and offer her the world in exchange for a baby. Your question did make me giggle though.
Very interesting question and I guess I never thought about it this way. Makes one think – huh? I wouldn’t necessarily say that he would have a better life I am with (I believe it’s cantstop that says this) the belief that he would have a different life – a much bigger house – more money – a pool and pony to boot. But it’s the love of you (his wife / mommy) that he needs and that he deserves!
i didnt know that, is there another article like that? because i really wanna know more about it
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.
i didnt know that, is there another article like that? because i really wanna know more about it
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.