Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What’s the Blonde’s cheer?
A: ” I’m blonde, I’m blonde, I’m B.L.O.N….ah, oh well.. I’m blonde, I’m blonde, yea yea yea…”

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911″ on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: “Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?”

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don’t they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What’s a blonds’ favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde’s favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.

Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. Funny blonde jokes…

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Good Dumb Blonde jokes…

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They’re both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!

Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.

Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in?
A. “Have another beer.”

Q. What do Blondes say after sex?
A1. Thanks Guys.
A2. Are you boys all in the same band?
A3. Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q. How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in

Handwriting:

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the “i” with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the “b” and “g”. It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body.

Women: Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom — a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let’s not talk about how many days he’ll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of “Love American Style.”

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys’ heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction – he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room – sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, “Wow, great movie.” or “What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.”

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: “That garden by the roadside looks lovely.” “Mm hmm.” Pause. “That was a good restaurant last night, wasn’t it?” “Yeah.” Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in “A Chorus Line.”

Friends:

Women: Women on a girls’ night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy’s night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are “Pass the Doritos” or “got any more beer?”

Restrooms:

Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, “Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?”

Classic lawyer jokes

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Your honor.
———————————————————–
What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
Senator.
———————————————————-
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
———————————————————–
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
———————————————————–
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
———————————————————-
What’s the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
———————————————————–
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
———————————————————-
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
———————————————————-
What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
———————————————————–
When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because down deep, they are all nice guys!!!!
———————————————————-
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
———————————————————–
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.
———————————————————–
What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
———————————————————–
What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
There was an empty seat.
———————————————————–
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
———————————————————–
Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
———————————————————–
What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
———————————————————-
What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
———————————————————-
What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One’s a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other’s just a fish.
———————————————————-
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
———————————————————-
What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
———————————————————–
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
———————————————————–
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery
———————————————————-
What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.
———————————————————–
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
———————————————————–
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
———————————————————–
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
———————————————————-
What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
———————————————————–
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
———————————————————-
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
———————————————————–
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It’s called, Sosumi.
——————————————————–
Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn’t find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
———————————————————–
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
———————————————————-
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
———————————————————–

Relationships:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled ‘All Men Are Idiots.’ Then she will get on with her life. A mail has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3 am on a Sunday morning, he will call and say, ‘I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.’ This is known as the ‘I Hate You, I Love You’ drunken phone call and 99 percent of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:
Women prefer 30 to 40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:
Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:
A man has five items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampetts’ car on The Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10?items?or?less lane.

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a van and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old American sitcoms.

Eating Out:
When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any, shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald boyfriend’s/father’s heads.

Menopause: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, biological Changes. Nature provokes a uniform reaction in men. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because lie reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TVs. Cell phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six big batteries to operate.

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men will only show their arse, because arse size doesn’t really matter.

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

Time:
When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

Friends:
Women on a ‘girls’ night out’ talk the whole time. Men on a ‘boys’ night out’ say about 20 words all night, most of which are ‘Pass the chips’ or ‘Got am more beer?’

Toilets:
Men use toilets for purely biological reasons. Women use toilets as social lounges. Men in toilets will never speak a word to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a toilet giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, ‘Hey Tom, I, was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me
Yes, I know, it is verrryyyyy long lol.

Alfa
Passionate and romantic, you fancy yourself. A bit unreliable, and can be eccentric too. You hate BMW drivers, but think and act just like them.

Audi
You would like to believe you are part of the new generation that is caring, environmentally conscious and family-orientated. Actually quite boring; nothing more than a glorified wuss. Will one day probably drive a Merc, but you still sometimes wonder if you shouldn’t have bought that Bee-Em.

BMW
Self-centred, ambitious, dynamic and assertive. Can be a big show-off pig. Likes impressing too. Buppies and kugels past sell-by date. You think you will be CEO one day. Actually an office weenie who thinks you are God’s gift.

Daewoo
Faceless, subservient and demure (except for Matiz drivers). To you, a good deal is to work from nine to five, get nothing for it, and still say thank you. And then you wonder why you don’t have money for a time after hours.

Ford
You still live in the 70′s, trying to cope with the 90′s (don’t even mention the millennium). A loyal, diligent worker, but baffled by office politics and labour policies. Next car will probably also be a Ford.

Holden
You are the ultimate on-road idiot. You think your 80s model Commodore is a V8 supercar, OR you think by owning a Barina you’re a true Holden fan. You’re either a redneck or a way-too-standard family parent – but either way, you most likely drive like you’re the only person on the road. You’re even ignorant enough to argue that the new Commodore is better than the new Ford.

Honda
You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain-in-the-butt. The ultimate suffragette, or the boss’s girlfriend (male or female!).

Isuzu
You like the smell of diesel and have secret fantasy of being a truck driver.

Hyundai /Kia
Quite progressive, intelligent and practical. But misguided. The kind of person who will suggest a sub-committee to find solutions to what the committee couldn’t. You will always maintain that a Korean car is better than any Japanese model.

Jeep
You would like to believe you are living the American dream and just love the great outdoors. The closest you get to it is by watching Days of Our Lives and the Adventure Channel.

Land Rover
You are a designer person with a designer life, who always pays too much for everything. Designer mud comes free with the badge. You’re a closet colonial racist and have fantasies about the Queen. If you have a Freelander, it was probably a break-up gift from your ex.

Mazda
A Ford driver with less money. Mostly staid boring with no image and less imagination. Lots of retired people drive Mazdas. You’re in the way and should get off the road.

Mercedes-Benz
Responsible, immaculate and conservative. Boring CEO clones with too much money, or the office super-geek who can’t remember what it’s like to have fun. Definitely not dating material.

Nissan
Good, solid, responsible, loyal office-fodder. You like to travel and maintain that you can sell ice to the Eskimos. Favourite answer: “It’s a company car.”

Mitsubishi
Not as label-conscious as your Land Rover counterpart, but still suckered into believing in the ultimate Paris-to-Dakar, African adventure. You drive through puddles to create your own designer mud. You believe you’ve made the grade, but everyone else knows you’ve got a long way to go.

Peugeot
Thinks France is the best country in the world and bores everybody with your limited French knowledge and tales of the Louvre and the Sourbonne.

Porsche
Small dick or mid-life crisis.

Renault
An eccentric who likes doing things the wrong way around. Usually the one who asks all the silly questions at staff meetings. You fervently believe you have flair, but it’s less than that of a French cookbook. Most probably gay.

Ssangyong
A make-believe fool, because you’d like a Pajero but can’t afford it. Don’t actually know that the engines are made in India and not in Germany.

Toyota
Although there are thousands of them, you mostly can’t spot them in their zero-image cars. Toyotas are good, reliable cars and are bought by a wide variety of people who have zero personality to go with their cars and are basically chicken-shit scared people who will never take chances and will therefore be driving Toyotas forever.
The most zero-image car in the world?, … a white Corolla

Volkswagen
Highly overrated for dependability cars since the days of the Beetle, but they do have a good re-sale value. Usually practical, sensible people who like to drive fast where nobody can see them. They are usually loyal to their brand to the point of irritation due to the fact that they lost their virginity on a Beetle’s back seat.

Volvo
As square and safe as the car

A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money.
So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman.

She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door.
She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, “Well, actually, we need the porch painted-how much do you want?” Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, “OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage.”

When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, “$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She must have, she was standing right on it.”

About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there.
She tells him that she’s done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats.
As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie says, “Oh, and by the way, that isn’t a Porsche-it’s a Ferrari.”